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There are times when I really feel like I’m pretending. You see, I’m now part of this incredibly community. One that is full of kindness, praise and support. One that is full of amazing stories and full of wonderfully educated people. One that is full of success… and that’s the part where I feel like I’m faking it…
In November 2014 I decided to start a blog. I had started a few over the years before but never really kept them going. This time I had something important I wanted to share. I had learned such a valuable lesson in life and I wanted others to know it was okay.
I had learned that not everything in life goes to plan, not everything we want happens the way we want it and that not everything is perfect. But above all of that, I learned that if we have our health, our happiness and each other, then life is perfect enough.
So I set up my little corner of the Internet and started telling stories. I shared my opinions and experiences with no one in particular… I just knew I felt better when I had put my thoughts into writing. I became immersed in the world of blogging and sought out all information I could find. I would spend hours and hours reading though blogs about blogging, blogs about bloggers and any piece of information I could get my eyes on.
And then I did a dangerous thing… I started comparing my blog with others. And from there my insecurities grew!! I was over the moon if I had 40 people read my blog in one day but I was reading of bloggers who had thousands of views a day!
Some of them had only just started their blog too (mind you, I later learned that a lot of these were second or third or tenth blogs for these people and they had a really good handle on what they were doing already and a tribe that already followed them!!).
Never compare your beginning to someone else’s middle.
I worked harder and harder on my blog. I had a clear idea of what I wanted it to look like so I taught myself html at first when I was on Blogger, then later moved to WordPress.org because it was what all the professionals were recommending. That meant learning CCS… then realising that messing up a tiny bit of code gives you the white screen of death, an anxiety attack and makes you thank your hosting company a million times over for backing up your website for you.
My blog became my second full time job… and an unpaid one at that.
Now, 6 months later, my blog is starting to gain some traction and to be honest, it scares me.
I’ve been approached by companies for advertising, by other bloggers for advice and by massive blogging networks wanting to promote my work. It feels a little surreal and for the large part, it feels like I’m faking it as a blogger.
It’s hard to explain… I’ve worked so hard to achieve all of this, but because there are no hard and fast rules, no guideline or structure on how you’re supposed to be doing things, it’s difficult to work out if what you’re doing is right.
There are some really big heavy hitters out there in the blogging world. Some absolutely amazing people, and I worry I’m not good enough to actually call myself a blogger.
When people ask me what I do, I still don’t add in that I’m a blogger. One day I hope to – one day I hope I feel like I’m legitimate enough to be classed as a ‘blogger’. The thing is… I’m not quite sure what level I need to be at before I can call myself a blogger….
I’m heading to a pretty big blogging conference in less than 10 weeks and I’m really nervous. There will be people there with much bigger blogs than mine, and also people with newer ones. I’m working on gaining some confidence in myself and in my blog before then to help me feel like I belong there.
So for all the bloggers out there, tell me – Do you ever feel like you fake it as a blogger? When did you feel like you weren’t faking it anymore and you were a ‘real’ blogger?